Part 1

It’s a chilling truth: One in four girls and one in six boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before they turn 18.

And those are just the cases that are reported according to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network.

As we observe Child Abuse Awareness Month this April, we must move beyond ribbons and statistics into meaningful awareness and daily action. This begins with understanding how abuse happens, who commits it and how we as parents, guardians and community members can reduce the risk.

To help guide this critical conversation, I sat down with Jawanna Wheeler, a former forensic investigator and current protective parenting instructor with Okmulgee- Okfuskee County Youth Services. Wheeler spent nearly a decade interviewing children who disclosed abuse or neglect and now works directly with families to teach practical prevention strategies.

When we think of child abuse, the mind often conjures up strangers or unfamiliar threats. But the sobering reality shared by Wheeler, is this: “Ninety percent of the time, children are sexually abused by someone they know, love and trust.”

These perpetrators aren’t strangers in the night they’re often parents, stepparents, relatives, neighbors, teachers, coaches, or members of trusted institutions like churches and schools.

Wheeler spent nine years conducting forensic interviews with children who disclosed abuse or neglect. Her work now focuses on equipping parents with the tools to prevent abuse before it begins.

--- Building a Safer Home Begins at Birth

Wheeler urges parents to begin protective conversations early - starting from birth:

• Birth - 18 months: Use correct anatomical terms like “penis” and “vagina.” Avoid cutesy nicknames. “If something ever happens, children need the language to say what happened.”

• Ages 3-6: Teach children about private body parts and that it’s okay to say “no” to unwanted touch.

• Ages 5-8: Introduce safety conversations regularly. Ask, “Has anyone ever touched you in a way that made you uncomfortable?”

• Ages 8-12: Talk about body changes and normal sexual development. Emphasize that personal safety is always a priority.

• Ages 13-18: Discuss boundaries, consent and the dangers of alcohol, drugs and unsupervised online behavior. Keep the door open for honest conversations.

--- “We Don’t Keep Secrets in This House” One of the core messages Wheeler emphasizes is the importance of no secrets. “There are surprises, but not secrets,” she says. “If someone ever tells your child to keep a secret, they need to know to come tell you.”

Families should also identify safe adults - both inside and outside the home - who children can talk to if something feels off. “And it’s never too late to tell the truth,” she reminds. “Even if a child didn’t tell the first time, they should know they can always come back and say something.”

--- The Hidden Threat: Grooming

Grooming is a manipulative process where a perpetrator builds trust with a child (and often the parents or community) for the purpose of abuse.

“It might start with a joke to test if a kid will tell. Then it escalates - tickling, accidental touches, or being the ‘fun adult’ who buys gifts or gives them special attention,” Wheeler explains.

She warns that grooming can look like kindness and even community service. “Perpetrators may be well-loved in the community - church leaders, teachers, mentors.

They groom everyone to gain access.”

--- Red Flags to Watch For

• An adult who seeks alone time with a child repeatedly.

• A child who tries to avoid being alone with someone.

• An adult who buys gifts for one specific child or insists on privacy.

• Comments about a child’s body or appearance that are overly familiar or inappropriate.

• Disregard for communication boundaries set by parents.

-Before wrapping our conversation, Wheeler shared a hard truth that demands reflection: “We can’t protect our children from what we’re too afraid to talk about.”

It’s not enough to tell children to be careful. We have to be specific, intentional and proactive. Protective parenting doesn’t mean sheltering - it means equipping.

Wheeler shared one of the most actionable takeaways for families: limit opportunity.

“Sexual abuse happens in bedrooms, cars, even in rooms with other people. It’s about access and opportunity.”

Her advice is simple but powerful:

• Avoid sleepovers. “You don’t know who else might be in that house - other kids, visiting adults ... It’s just not worth the risk.”

• Encourage group activities when kids want to spend time with friends, rather than one-on-one hangouts.

• Be a present parent. Know the adults in your child’s life by name. Attend the practices. Show up. Ask questions. “Even if your child is only gone for an hour, know whose home they’re in and who else might be there.”

April is more than just a month for wearing blue ribbons. It’s a time to look inward, lean in and ask the tough questions: Are we paying attention? Are we asking the right questions? Are we present enough to notice when something’s off?

In Part Two of this series, we’ll go deeper - exploring how predators groom not only children, but families and entire communities. We’ll talk about what to do when the system doesn’t respond, how to navigate allegations and why being uncomfortable is sometimes the price of doing what’s right.

Because awareness without action is silence - and silence is not protection.